I don't like the drugs, but the drugs won't take the hint, and keep calling me, asking if I want to hang out or something.
The brain trust at the National Board of Drug Control Policy, a bunch of people who collectively resemble a giant douchebag shaped like Don Quixote, has launched a new ad campaign aimed at discouraging you people not to try marijuana (also known as "demon weed," "hippie marlboros," "jazz fuel," "giggle smoke," "the laughing ghost" and "Old Kinderhook"). The ads are designed to ridicule kids for submitting to peer pressure, suggesting that they'd be stupid and therefore uncool to let their friends force them to take drugs. The commericals also direct said kids to a website called abovetheinfluence.com. (that's a period, not a dot) The website, which is very sleek and well designed and probably cost a few millions dollars that isn't going to help get Hurricane Katrina victims permanent housing or get health care for uninsured children, just like the high-production-value commericals, reminds kids that they shouldn't listen to their friends, that drugs are really bad, mmkay, and that their future depends on a drug-free, abstinent lifestyle.
Besides the hilariousness of the government using the same commerical techniques as soda companies to tell teenagers that they shouldn't listen to what other people tell them is "cool," there's another even hilarious-er thing about this boondoggle. It's the idea that these plugged in government types, dedicated to getting inside kids' heads and getting them to avoid drugs, are seemingly under an unshakable conviction that the only possible reason that a young person could want to do drugs is because of peer pressure. I really wonder if any of these dipshits have had any social interactions more intensive than a church weinie roast. Has it ever occured to these motherfuckers that a teenager, or hell, an adult, might want to do drugs once in a while because they're fun? If you've got personal opposition to taking drugs, that's fine, and addiction to anything is dangerous and unhealthy, but can you really deny that taking drugs can be a fun time, and, incidentally, have no real negative effect on your life whatsoever? Good christ, when you're a dateless, ragingly horny, pustule-coated teenager living in a podunk town with nothing to do and no money to not do it with, I really don't think it takes a pack of peer pressuring friends to strap you down and force you to do a bong hit. There's a good chance that you could come home from a day at school of mindsplitting boredom punctuated by soul-crushing humilation and think to yourself "fuck, I need to do some pot" all by yourself. As for the potential harmlessness of doing some drugs, the propaganda-tools have bit of a paradox to deal with: some of their ads detail the myriad ways that any drug use by a teen will lead to some horrific development (from date rape to accidentally shooting your friend in the face to running over a small child on a bicycle while at a drive-thru), while some of them are aimed at the parents of these kids. One of the latter breed tells parents who feel hypocritical about lecturing their kids on drugs since they did drugs themselves when they were cool...I mean, young, that they've got to suck it up and start lecturing, to save their kids from the same horrors that they experienced. Horrors that, the ad suggests, led to a nice suburban split level with a wife and kids and a steady job. Yes, it terrifies me, but I'm not sure it's such a horrible outcome as far as the Control Board is concerned. So, in their anti-drug ad, they are admitting that you can have some youthful experimentations with drugs and NOT end up a broken-down addict, pissing in your own mouth while being sodomized by a frenzied pimp and injecting heroin into your ballsack.
Luckily for the Drug Control Policy Board, the choad-smokes who staff it are blessed with the gift that all life-less bureaucrats have, the uncanny ability to turn that screaming crescendo of cognitive dissonance that would crush the brains of most human beings, into the gentle sounds of smooth jazz paragon Chuck Mangione.
Besides the hilariousness of the government using the same commerical techniques as soda companies to tell teenagers that they shouldn't listen to what other people tell them is "cool," there's another even hilarious-er thing about this boondoggle. It's the idea that these plugged in government types, dedicated to getting inside kids' heads and getting them to avoid drugs, are seemingly under an unshakable conviction that the only possible reason that a young person could want to do drugs is because of peer pressure. I really wonder if any of these dipshits have had any social interactions more intensive than a church weinie roast. Has it ever occured to these motherfuckers that a teenager, or hell, an adult, might want to do drugs once in a while because they're fun? If you've got personal opposition to taking drugs, that's fine, and addiction to anything is dangerous and unhealthy, but can you really deny that taking drugs can be a fun time, and, incidentally, have no real negative effect on your life whatsoever? Good christ, when you're a dateless, ragingly horny, pustule-coated teenager living in a podunk town with nothing to do and no money to not do it with, I really don't think it takes a pack of peer pressuring friends to strap you down and force you to do a bong hit. There's a good chance that you could come home from a day at school of mindsplitting boredom punctuated by soul-crushing humilation and think to yourself "fuck, I need to do some pot" all by yourself. As for the potential harmlessness of doing some drugs, the propaganda-tools have bit of a paradox to deal with: some of their ads detail the myriad ways that any drug use by a teen will lead to some horrific development (from date rape to accidentally shooting your friend in the face to running over a small child on a bicycle while at a drive-thru), while some of them are aimed at the parents of these kids. One of the latter breed tells parents who feel hypocritical about lecturing their kids on drugs since they did drugs themselves when they were cool...I mean, young, that they've got to suck it up and start lecturing, to save their kids from the same horrors that they experienced. Horrors that, the ad suggests, led to a nice suburban split level with a wife and kids and a steady job. Yes, it terrifies me, but I'm not sure it's such a horrible outcome as far as the Control Board is concerned. So, in their anti-drug ad, they are admitting that you can have some youthful experimentations with drugs and NOT end up a broken-down addict, pissing in your own mouth while being sodomized by a frenzied pimp and injecting heroin into your ballsack.
Luckily for the Drug Control Policy Board, the choad-smokes who staff it are blessed with the gift that all life-less bureaucrats have, the uncanny ability to turn that screaming crescendo of cognitive dissonance that would crush the brains of most human beings, into the gentle sounds of smooth jazz paragon Chuck Mangione.
posted by matthew christman at 8:49 PM
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