Thursday, September 29, 2005

Cry Havoc and let slip the SUVs of war.

A jabbering baboon at a website called "Blogs for Bush" had this to say about the Tom Delay indictment, referring to the Democratic party, I'm assuming:

"This is not the actions[sic]* of a political Party engaged in seeking a majority - it is the action of a Party determined to destroy its opponents entirely and seize all power for itself...it is, in short, the stuff from which civil wars are made..."

Now I've never been in a physical confrontation in my life. I've only fired a gun on a mere handful of occasions. I am, as a matter of fact, a goddamn gimp. If armed conflict were to break out in the United States, I'd most likely end up as a pile of minced organs in the bottom of a smoking crater. But if these motherfuckers want to go to war to maintain the power of a mob of power-mad, corrupt, criminal scumfucks who won't rest until this country is jointly ruled by the Book of Leviticus and the Wal-Mart Employee Manual, I for one couldn't be happier.

Like I said, I'd probably die in the conflagration, but at least I'd take a few of them with me. Sure, probably not any of the Ted Nugent-type survivalists who would surely rally to the Red banner: those guys are generally rangy, adept at firearms, and good with the bobbing and weaving. But I'm pretty sure that I could take out a whole platoon of squishy, fat-ass suburban reactionaries; the type of limp dicks who generate a sense of personal empowerment by identifying with the actions of the military, read a lot of Tom Clancy, but don't get any closer to danger in their day-to-day lives than eating that morning McMuffin. No doubt, if a civil war came, they'd sign up in droves to prove their manhood and skin a few leftist hippie pelts. They'd waddle into battle in their Dockers, ass-fat slapping in the breeze, and I'd mow them down with a belt-fed M-60: me, a frail, near-sighted commie faggot, would personally bury more than a few pig-eyed suburban brownshirts.

And then I'd probably get garrotted by the sea-shell necklace of some College Republican douchebag in an Abercrombie & Fitch flak jacket.

C'est la guerre...

*[sic] is an editorial term for "this motherfucker is too dumb to string a sentence together without his Cheetoh-coated fingers murdering the English language with each butter-soaked keystroke."

3 Comments:

Blogger John M. said...

But, you are a lovable gimp.

11:25 AM  
Blogger matthew christman said...

And, according to some, a slovenly douche.

8:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Slovenly douche America hater.

12:45 PM  

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