Tuesday, October 18, 2005

"And it done got a bun in it..."







"My water broke!"


Babies are small, meat-filled noise-makers. You can hang around with one or less of them at a time and it can actually be entertaining, but once they start stacking up, it turns into a pants-shitting "Dawn of the Dead" re-enactment. As with zombies, the prime rule regarding children is: never get outnumbered.

Ignoring these sage words, basic common sense, and centuries of birth control advances, some toothless yokel in Arkansas has just popped out her 16th young 'un. Unless you're using some of them for spare parts, I think that's overkill. Somehow, I don't think these rubber-headed crackers are going to make up the world's greatest rock band or combine to form some kind of Hillbilly Voltron. Most likely, they'll just end up building the biggest meth lab in the lower 48.

But the best part is that all of the kids have names starting with a "J". According to Associated Press, those names are:

Jehosaphat

Javalin

Jhonny Peralta

Jizzblast

Jasper

Jerk Store

Jodhpur

Jazz June

Jesus H. Christ, give my battered vagina a rest!

Juan Valdez

Jake and the Fat Man (kid with partially developed twin brother protruding from shoulder)

Jukebox Hero

Jezebel

Junk-in-the-trunk

Jam Band

Just another day, livin' in the hood, just another day in the neighborhood, today...

2 Comments:

Blogger John M. said...

Drat! We really could use a Hillbilly Voltron to combat the great Canuck Voltron threatening our vast, unprotected northern boarded.

4:17 PM  
Blogger matthew christman said...

It's true! We must protect God's Chosen Nation from the gathering threat of gay marriage, decriminalized pot, and socialized medicine.

7:30 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home