Droppin' the Can't Miss Movie Pitch Bomb, Bizznitches!

Uber-Awesome Movie Idea #1:

FahrenChrist 3:16: The two most profitable films of 2004 were The Passion of the Christ and Fahrenheit 911. Logic dictates that a movie combining elements from both of these blockbusters would be the biggest film hit of all time. It's a shot-for-shot remake of Mel Gibson's Passion, with Michael Moore playing Jesus....and Nick Nolte playing the evil suckling infant.

Stu-tacular Movie Idea #2:

The Fartening: The fart, nature's perfect comedic vessel, finds its ultimate expression in this tour de force of body function-related hilarity. A mysterious space virus causes an epidemic disease which makes everyone on earth fart uncontrollably. The high point of humor is a twenty minute montage of people from different nations farting in culturally-specific ways. It's up to Nick Nolte and a super-intelligent, sentient fart to find a cure before the built-up methane causes a global explosion of apocalyptic proportions.

Spec-pendous Movie Idea #3:

"Goddamnit it!:" The Nick Nolte Story: At turns humorous, heart-breaking, hair-raising, alliterative, and inspiring,this is the tale of one of our finest film actors. We chronicle his triumphs, his loves, his losses, and his heroic struggle with the demons of his psyche. Featuring Chris Rock as Eddie Murphy, Kathy Griffin as Vicky Lewis, and starring Steve Buscemi as Nick Nolte. Nick Nolte plays Barbara Streisand.