I will not acknowledge Thanksgiving.

For the first time in my life, I am alone on Thanksgiving. No family, no turkey, no awkward conversation with alcoholic relatives who don't know they're alcoholics, no football or post-meal coma. Good I say! Good! It's a stupid goddamn holiday that commemorates a mythical event (just like Christmas and Easter) for the purpose of nationalistic aggrandizement (like Independance Day). Thanksgiving was made a national holiday by Lincoln in the depth of the Civil War as a way to remind Americans of their shared national orgins. It's just as dumb as every other holiday (except Halloween, natch), but, like most of these really dumb holidays, I usually end up getting dragooned into observing them by my family. For the first time, I am able to freely and completely ignore this holiday, and I intend to do so. It'll be great: I remember the first Easter Sunday I spent away from home as a freshman in college. I ate a few Taco Bell Chalupas, watched "Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer" and finished reading "American Pscyho." In fact, I could go for some T-Bell...I might have to make that a holiday non-observance tradition.

Wait...by writing all of this stuff about Thanksgiving on Thanksgiving...I really am acknowledging the holiday. In fact, I'm acknowledging the hell out of it! Shit...how do you deleate these things?