I've been drinkin' Hater-ade since before you were born, son!
You know that movie, or band, or television show or book that you nurse a fanatical love for? The one that is hopelessly obscure, the one whose mention brings nothing but puzzled expressions to the faces of friends and acquainatences when you mention it? You know how the utter lack of respect this movie/band/t.v. show/book gets similtaneously enrages and satisfies you? How the fact that this brilliant piece of/producer of art is underappreciated validates your place as a person of uniquely well-honed taste? How, if said move/band/t.v. show/book starts to gain mainstream notice, you're saddened because it means you've lost your specialness, and the singular brilliance of said art work that was previously noticable only to you is now appreciated by legions of mouth-breathing choad-smokes?
That's pretty much how I feel about the currently dismal approval ratings of President Douche-Nozzle von Cokemeister. I've been hating this dipshit for FIVE YEARS! Fuck, I was hating him BEFORE he was elected! I hated him before 9-11, and no, I wasn't one of those weak-bladdered simps who rallied brainlessly to his banner of idiocy after the attacks. Not even for a minute. My refrain has been unwavering: fuck that guy. Now, five years later (and a year after it would have done any fucking good) people are beginning to realize that this fuckstick doesn't know what he's doing, and even if he did, what he would do if he knew what he was doing is as fucked up as shoving puppies up your ass. Also, that the current Vice President of the United States is a portrait of cartoonish super-villainy. This national satori moment is vexing on two levels. For one, it lessens my personal satisfaction with being in the righteous minority, and it demands an answer to one gigantic question: WHAT THE FUCK TOOK YOU MOTHERFUCKERS SO FUCKING LONG?!?!?!?!
George W. Bush is as venal and stupid today as he was when he was snorting coke off a hooker's ass in Houston twenty years ago. Dick Cheney is as evil was he was zapping his children with cattle prods in order to achieve erections ten years ago. The WMD arguements for invading Iraq were bullshit before the war, and, more importantly, informed individuals could TELL that they were bullshit before the war. The lies were blatant: unmanned Iraqi airplanes spraying anthrax on American cities? Yellowcake uranium from Niger? Thalidomide babies could tell that this was a load of fiction. But it took three years for that simple fact to dawn on people. What does it say about this country that a single terrorist attack can derail its citizens critical capacities for four years.
So, a word of warning for all you jag-offs who want to brag about your newfound comtempt for the president: I will treat you with the same disdain a record store clerk shows to someone asking for Good News for People Who Love Bad News, but has never heard of The Lonesome Crowded West.
That's pretty much how I feel about the currently dismal approval ratings of President Douche-Nozzle von Cokemeister. I've been hating this dipshit for FIVE YEARS! Fuck, I was hating him BEFORE he was elected! I hated him before 9-11, and no, I wasn't one of those weak-bladdered simps who rallied brainlessly to his banner of idiocy after the attacks. Not even for a minute. My refrain has been unwavering: fuck that guy. Now, five years later (and a year after it would have done any fucking good) people are beginning to realize that this fuckstick doesn't know what he's doing, and even if he did, what he would do if he knew what he was doing is as fucked up as shoving puppies up your ass. Also, that the current Vice President of the United States is a portrait of cartoonish super-villainy. This national satori moment is vexing on two levels. For one, it lessens my personal satisfaction with being in the righteous minority, and it demands an answer to one gigantic question: WHAT THE FUCK TOOK YOU MOTHERFUCKERS SO FUCKING LONG?!?!?!?!
George W. Bush is as venal and stupid today as he was when he was snorting coke off a hooker's ass in Houston twenty years ago. Dick Cheney is as evil was he was zapping his children with cattle prods in order to achieve erections ten years ago. The WMD arguements for invading Iraq were bullshit before the war, and, more importantly, informed individuals could TELL that they were bullshit before the war. The lies were blatant: unmanned Iraqi airplanes spraying anthrax on American cities? Yellowcake uranium from Niger? Thalidomide babies could tell that this was a load of fiction. But it took three years for that simple fact to dawn on people. What does it say about this country that a single terrorist attack can derail its citizens critical capacities for four years.
So, a word of warning for all you jag-offs who want to brag about your newfound comtempt for the president: I will treat you with the same disdain a record store clerk shows to someone asking for Good News for People Who Love Bad News, but has never heard of The Lonesome Crowded West.
posted by matthew christman at 1:28 PM
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